Once I started coaching I was really keen to put into practice what I had learnt at camp, so I found it really frustrating waiting for a link up. Having said that looking back it was good in a way that I didn’t go straight into a link up as it gave my family and I time to hear other sharing families experiences, how they dealt with the highs and lows of helping their seeking families and it also gave us time to work on our own bubble.

When I found out we had our first link up I was so excited! Leanne gave me a bit of this family’s background before our first meeting. This meeting went well and I left it with my mind over flowing with ideas on how to help this family reach their goals. After this initial meeting I tried for a week to get into contact with this family, only to receive a text telling me that they no longer wished to continue the link up. It was really hard not to take personally and wasn’t the start of my FbyF journey that I had in mind.

My second link up came after another wait. This time my family was linked up with an Afghan family. This link was challenging for several reasons, language barrier and cultural differences. Phone conversations were always very short as we couldn’t understand each other and catch ups were often cancelled due to her home duties. Having said this, some of this family’s goals were met. Their beautiful daughters became more confident and the mum’s English improved!

It was another break before my current link up started. During this break a few little of life’s hiccups came my way, but we got through them with the support of the wonderful F by F coaches and some other sharing families. This break was good for our family as it gave us time to reflect on where we were headed as a family unit as well as individual goals.

My family and I are currently in our 3^rd link up. This current link up has been and is continuing to be challenging on a whole new level. This family over the past 7 weeks have made such wonderfully positive changes however they are now facing a big hurdle which is taking its toll on all family members and will take some time to sort out.

Being a sharing family has been such a positive experience for all of my family. My son has shown the most amazing empathy and understanding as well as trying to be a great role model to the children in our link ups. All 3 of my children have made some great friends not only with our link up families but also with sharing families.

My husband and I have made lifelong friendships with other sharing families and with our coaches. These friendships see us reach our goals, seeing us through lives curve balls and helping us help our seeking families.

Link ups can be challenging but they are also really rewarding. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice. We all are there to support and help each other.

My son Billy’s thoughts

It feels good to help other families that need help. I have made lots of new friends. I think it’s good being apart of F by F because you get to meet lots of new friends and do cool stuff.

My family and I had been linked up with a lovely family that had recently arrived in Australia from Sri Lanka. This particular family wanted to know what Aussie families do together and what that looks like.

For our first meeting we decided to spend an afternoon at the park with lots of fun things to do together. We met with the family at their house and chose a park not far from them and walked there together. Just the walk was lots of fun he kids decided to ride bikes and scooters.

My son had recently had a birthday and got a massive Buzz Lightyear kite that we brought along, we had to put the kite together and all the kids had a go of helping. We both took along some food that we all sat down and shared, it was interesting to see the different foods that they brought!

Overall the day was really of fun! We played heaps of games that involved everyone having a go and working together. I think my family got just as much out of this day as the other family. After we had all had enough we took some lovely photos and made our way back to their house.

We had such a lovely  time and were excited for our next meeting. This meeting was really important because it helped us all get to now each other and see how each of our families work.

What do kids do in link ups currently?

• What are some of the trickier parts for kids in link ups? Eg. When kids don’t get along?
• What really motivates or excites kids? Does it change for different ages?
• What individual strengths do kids bring to Family by Family  and how can we use them?
• What do parents want for their kids to get out of Family by Family?
• What do kids do with their free time and play?
• How can we make kids feel like they’re part of a community?
• Can kids be part of creating change for others? How?

So after a few weeks of hanging out with kids we started noticing a few consistent themes coming up.

Kids thought the best things about Family by Family was meeting kids (often around the same age were the best) and going to new places.

• Kids often got bored while waiting for their link up family to arrive.
• Kids spent much of their free time playing around the neighbourhood if they were old enough. They were often on their scooters, bikes or at nearby playgrounds. Some kids spent much of their time of social media like Facebook, but many parents didn’t think their kids were old enough for that yet. Because we hung out with some kids over the school holidays there were lots of whole family activities like going to the pool or movies.
• We saw that kids had a naturally beautiful ability to include kids in their everyday play. Like the adults in Family by Family, it seems that the kids have some similar strengths that made them great role models for others.
• The things that motivated and excited kids often involved someone in their family being pleased/proud of them or they were things where they had choice in an experience with their own family (eg. choosing the location of the next family outing).  Material rewards, such as stickers or certificates, along with making their own goals weren’t ranked as highly.
• Parents wanted their kids to have a chance to develop empathy and compassion for others and to learn not to judge. They wanted their kids to feel like they were part of a community and some parents wanted more opportunities for their kids to be involved in Family by Family.  To many parents it was really important that they could help others with their kids being a part of that.

“It would be cool to make stuff and get all the kids to work together” -Boy aged 6.

“I’d like to help …..(a seeking kid) but I’m not sure how”? – Girl aged 13.

Just some of our ideas!

• Having a consistent way of explaining what Family by Family is to kids and what their role may be (although this will be different depending on the age of the kids). We already have the Huffs and Budges for the smaller kids but what could we have for the older kids? A comic book or similar?
• Create some Kids Strengths, similar to the Family Strengths. The strengths could be used as a foundation for all work we do with kids.
• A big brother/big sister type role for older kids. Older kids often miss out on connecting with kids their own age on link ups. Could there be an option for older sharing kids to be linked to other older seeking kids even if they aren’t linked up with that family?
• More help for families in planning link ups that kids would be attending (ie. going to a place where kids will be entertained if one family is late). We also found that link ups sometimes featured serious adult chats that could leave kids at a loose end if they weren’t in a kid friendly space.
• Giving kids different ways to help kids work out their individual strengths and helping them to build on them (ie quizzes, activities at team coaching).
• Bring back whole family activities to team coaching in school holidays.
• Have a section of team coaching dedicated to chatting about the kids in the link ups.

What next?

After sharing our ideas with some of our kids we’ll be working with them (and you) to try these ideas out! So what do you think? Which ideas do you like or don’t like? Let us know your thoughts so Family by Family can truly include kids and value the amazing qualities that they have to offer.

My biggest challenge since joining Family by Family has been a very typical struggle to balance my work and home lives. I have two young children and a partner who works full time. I need to be explicit here and point out that I love working (part time) and actually think that I’m a better mother for it. However, much like having children, no one can prepare you for being a part of a start up organisation.

Children or no children, it’s a constant juggling act. I’ve needed to find the balance between continually going out of my comfort zone, trying new things and making mistakes in order to move forward with making sure I’ve looked after myself to be able to recover, reflect and create.  It’s been a year long roller coaster ride and there have been times I’ve wanted to get off. I’m sure I’m not alone.

So what’s kept me on? Support. And in a start up where there is a lack of established systems in place to help guide us, good relationships become crucial. With so much at stake it’s easy to become absorbed in your own work and pressures. Even having the time to think about what others are doing and how they’re feeling can seem impossible but we must. I have also learnt that innovation and creativity requires accepting vulnerability. I wonder if once we begin to accept our own vulnerability as being useful as opposed to a weakness will we become more supportive and understanding of those around us?

I am grateful. I have flexible work hours to suit my family’s needs and I work with a great bunch of people for whom I have much admiration and respect. But as we begin the next phase of our start up and begin to scale, we need to think about sustainability. We want people to mostly enjoy the roller coaster ride and to begin to appreciate vulnerability. What systems can we put in place to ensure that every member of our team feels supported? How do we ensure that a rift doesn’t occur between people out in the field and the people in the office like it does at so many workplaces?

Recently we released our first independent evaluation report of Family by Family. Outcomes for families taking part in Family by Family were overwhelmingly positive. Approximately 90% of families reported that things were going better or heaps better for them. If we want to continue having these great results for families in the long term then we have to support the people working with them. One of our next big challenges is how we might do that.